Since I missed recapping “Game of Thrones” last week (dammit, Lindsey, you were doing so well), I suppose a recap within this recap is called for. So super quick, blah blah blah nothing really happened in the first half of episode three besides Tommen becoming a man (and thank the heavens they aged him up in the show because oh my gosh I swear this child was like eight years old last year.) It’s not until the halfway point of this episode that shiz starts to go down. Sansa’s engaged to Ramsey Snow—er, Bolton. Arya gets rid of all of her stuff and that almost includes Needle (NOOOOO!), but thankfully decides to hide it for safekeeping instead. Jon freaking beheads Janos Slynt for insubordination (dude’s clearly taking his new job very seriously). Tyrion is abducted by… Jorah?!
Now onto this week’s episode. First, let’s talk about The Wall because not too much happens except tears for Stannis (Stephen Dillane) and Shireen’s (Kerry Ingram) father-daughter moment, and laughs for Melisandre’s (Carice van Houten) attempt to seduce Jon Snow (Kit Harington). Even though Jon rejects the Red Woman’s advances, she still manages to exit with such class and sass, declaring that Jon Snow (still) knows nothing.
Now, southward to Dorne where we finally get an introduction to the Sand Snakes, (played by Keisha Castle-Hughes, Rosabell Laurenti Sellers, and Jessica Henwick) otherwise known as Oberyn’s bastard daughters. As expected, they want vengeance for Oberyn’s death (like father, like bastard daughters), and these ladies are nothing like the coy, subtle women in King’s Landing. They’re ruthless and don’t waste time with words. Yikes.
Elsewhere in the desert region of Dorne, we have Jaime (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) and Bronn (Jerome Flynn), the new bromantics. They engage in some swordsplay with a quartet of Dornish men and then promptly get rid of the bodies since they aren’t there to start another war. Their only goal is to rescue Myrcella, who Bronn totally knows is Jaime’s daughter.
Speaking of Jaime’s kids, the honeymoon is over for precious little Peeta Mellark doppelganger Tommen (Dean Charles Chapman) and his new bride Margaery (Natalie Dormer). Lancel Lannister (Eugene Simon) along with the rest of cloak-wearing eunuchs have decided to take it upon themselves to purge King’s Landing of everything deemed sinful and wrong. That includes Ser Loras (Finn Jones). When Tommen attempts to free his brother-in-law/mom’s fiancé/dead uncle’s lover (?!), he’s met with a wall of eunuchs. His mommy dearest isn’t much help as Cersei (Lena Headey) is actually the one allowing the High Sparrow and his followers to “clean up” the city.
In the North, Sansa (Sophie Turner) is finally back in Winterfell, but it isn’t under the greatest of circumstances. She’s there to marry Ramsey (Iwan Rheon) since with Arya still M.I.A. and Jon running Castle Black, she’s technically the next in line to run Winterfell (again, I must ask, where is Rickon?). Life sucks for Sansa so she goes down to the crypts where the bodies of fallen Starks are kept, standing before the statue of her aunt Lyanna, the same statue that Ned Stark and Rob Baratheon (R.I.P, both of you) visited way back in the first episode. Littlefinger (Aidan Gillen), who was probably watching her in the shadows the entire time, shows up and tells her the story of Rhaegar Targaryen a.k.a. Daenerys’ older bro and the guy who was pretty much behind the last war. YAY BOOK STUFF because here we get a story straight out of the series about the famous tournament in which the champion Rhaegar gave his special flower crown to Lyanna Stark, i.e. not his wife Elia Martell (Oberyn’s sister and the reason he got involved in that whole fight to the death last season). Sansa’s like, “Ugh, love triangle. Ugh, why did Rhagear have to rape and kill Lyanna and start all that drama?” and Littlefinger is all, “BUT DID HE NOW?” Well, he doesn’t actually say that, but come on…. NOBODY REALLY KNOWS WHAT HAPPENED IN THAT TOWER WHEN LYANNA DIED, OKAY. Anyway, Littlefinger tells Sansa that he’s leaving for King’s Landing and she actually doesn’t want him to go because then she’ll be left alone with the Boltons. Trust me, Sansa, Petyr doesn’t want to leave you either, especially if that kiss is any indication. Blech.
And it must be Rhaegar’s name day or something because Littlefinger and Sansa aren’t the only ones discussing him. Across the Narrow Sea, Barristan Selmy (Ian McElhinney) also recalls the glory days and the fact that Rhaegar wasn’t just a great warrior, but apparently also some sort of skilled artiste with his musical abilities. Dany (Emilia Clarke) is wondrous and wide-eyed at the tales of the older brother she never knew. And it’s all a little confusing, isn’t it? Was Rhaegar a vicious, cheating husband? Or was he gentle and fair, but just not that into his arranged marriage? Are the writers merely teasing us R+L=J hopefuls… or are we really going to find out the truth behind how Ned Stark, the most loyal man in Westeros, could actually cheat on his wife? No matter, Selmy will never get to find out if his old BFF’s family gets to take back the Iron Throne because the Sons of the Harpy have struck again, this time taking him down, along with Grey Worm (Jacob Anderson). Bleh. Well, at least he was able to happily recall his glory days to Rhaegar’s little sister before joining all of his friends in the afterlife…
But I guess Dany will be okay without the head of her Queensguard because Jorah (Iain Glen) is on his way back, and he’s bringing a new, super rich ally: Tyrion Lannister (Peter Dinklage).
(Cross-posted to The Bevy Bibliothèque)
Tags : Aidan Gillen, Carice van Houten, dean-charles chapman, emilia clarke, eugene simon, finn jones, game of thrones, iain glen, Iwan Rheon, jacob anderson, jerome flynn, jessica henwick, keisha castle-hughes, kerry ingram, kit harington, lena headey, natalie dormer, nikolaj coster-waldau, peter dinklage, Rosabell Laurenti Sellers, sophie turner, tv recaps